The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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