We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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