When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
