he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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