I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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