i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
