Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
