I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
