if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
