"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This is my gift to your gina
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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