it wasn't lemon gatorade
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
