hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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