last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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