im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize