I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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