At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize