brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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