I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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