How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
