My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
