So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
