I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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