im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
