you guys were way drunker than both of me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
