Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
