so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
