I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
