That's intense
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
