i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
