Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
