Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize