bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
