Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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