She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
