I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
