Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
