Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
