Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
