Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
