So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
