She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize