Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
