Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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