Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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