You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
