Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
