how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
