His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
