just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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