that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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