Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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