Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize