All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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