Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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