My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
