That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
