WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
