??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
