She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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