How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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