bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
