today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
