I wish my penis had an off switch
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
