dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
