dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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