I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
