FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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