did you get engaged???
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
