I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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