i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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