I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
