he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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