Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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