Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
