That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
