Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
