I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sobbing to NWA
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
