Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
