I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Congratulations! We have a period
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