I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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